How to Have a Good Conversation

Recently I wrote a post about the habit my generation is making of becoming boring. I don’t like it when people choose to watch TV or play video games instead of going off and making their own adventures. I wish people would go do something interesting and risk getting into a little bit of trouble rather than sitting at home watching their favorite TV shows. I hate that we use social media to lie about how perfect our lives our. I wish that we were genuine and knew how to be vulnerable.

Part of that post was about the importance of conversation. As Christians, we are commanded to love others as Jesus did. When you’re trying to love someone well, it helps to have some basic understanding of that person. It’s pretty much impossible to understand them if you never talk with them, and if you want to talk to them without coming off as awkward, it helps knowing how to have a good conversation.

This line of thought begs the question, “what makes a conversation good?” You would think it’s instinctive, but lately I have had some pretty bad conversations, and I want to point out a few simple things that can make or break a conversation.

#1. Make introductions

If you are with another person, be sure to make the introductions between all present. Nothing is more awkward than being the third person when a duo runs into each other, and all of the sudden you’re invisible. It’s just as awkward to run into an old friend while they’re with another person, and you’re suddenly in the uncomfortable position of trying to catch up while figuring out who this new person in the background is.

#2. Ask questions

Everyone loves talking about themselves, but rarely will people simply offer up personal information. Show your interest in other people’s lives by asking questions to get conversation rolling. What are you doing here? How is your day? How is your family? What are you doing? How is your husband/wife/kids?

Sometimes people will be terrible at responding to these questions and your conversation suddenly begins to feel more like an interview. When that happens, it’s time to gently leave the conversation. If people want to talk back, they will, so if they’re not responding well to questions, now is probably not the best time to chat.

#3. Remember details from previous conversations

If this is a person that you talk to on a regular or semi-regular basis, follow up with them on things they have mentioned in previous conversations. Example: if the last time you talked they mentioned that they were close to finishing an important project at work, or that they were about to move into a new apartment, ask them about it. Knowing that someone listens and remembers details in your life makes you feel valued and loved.

#4. Make good eye contact

This one is a classic for a reason. When someone is in a conversation with you but is constantly looking around the room or at their feet, it gives the impression that they cannot wait to get out of the conversation. Conversely, if someone looks you in the eyes and maintains good eye contact, it instinctively makes you feel at ease and gives the impression that they truly are interested in you.

#5. Make physical contact

Obviously, this is a cultural thing and should be treated as such. However, I really think that a quick hug or a touch on the shoulder lends an air of familiarity and ease to a conversation. Giving a quick hug to a friend you run into at a café is a small physical detail that tells them that you are legitimately glad to see them. 


So there you go. Hopefully these are easy, simple things to make your conversations better. Happy chatting!