This is a little late in coming, but I wanted to share my thoughts
from last week on enjoying God versus understanding God.
Classes last week were… difficult. Frustrating. Paradigm
shifting. Offensive even.
I think that’s because I have been intent on understanding
the mind of God for the sake of an experience. Please don’t misunderstand me, I
don’t for one second believe that my desire to understand is a bad thing—I think
that my desire to know the “why’s” and “how’s” are nothing less than a gift
from Him. I like to imagine He enjoys my curiosity and wonder because behind it
all is a hunger to know Him.
But I think it might stop being a good and useful thing when
all you can do is ask questions instead of enjoying the things that you do see
and understand.
It stops being a tool to knowing and loving God more, and instead
becomes a blockade.
This week, we were lucky enough to hear firsthand from a man
named Dan Bauman stories of the adventures he has had while pursuing his
greatest passions—loving God and loving people. I haven’t had the privilege of
listening to many people speak who are as passionate about simply loving and
being loved by God as Dan is.
It was good.
It was also annoying.
This is a man who has audibly heard the voice of God. A man
who has experienced dreams and visions. A man who has been imprisoned and
tortured for his faith.
One of his more mind-bending stories occurred during a two
month period where (due to political unrest) he was forced to leave his job and
country of residence. He ended up in Thailand at a prayer meeting with some
friends, and as he prayed and asked God what they (meaning he and God) should
do until he could go back to his country, he received the name of a specific
people group and the command to go to
them and pray for them for three weeks.
He had no idea who this people group was, so he started
asking every person he came into contact with whether they had heard of it. He
finally spoke to a man who not only recognized this people group (who lives in
Northern China), but who actually had an Australian friend who lived near this
ethnicities territory. Unfortunately there was a problem. This man had no idea
what his friend’s address, phone number, or email was. He only knew the name of
his city of residence (a city of 7-8 million people) and some vague impression
that his Australian friend was studying a language there. He eventually
confessed that it was possible that his friend wasn’t even in China at the
time.
Dan was slightly discouraged by this, and though he
continued praying, he received no other direction from God. But as the message
he had received was clear, he felt he had two options. One—he could go to China
with no more information than one name in a city of millions out of obedience
to God. Two—he could stay in Thailand with his friends at a prayer conference.
He chose option one.
A short time later he found himself on a Chinese train that
would deliver him (92 hours later) in the city he hoped that his contact was
in. He walked up and down the train and eventually found an English speaking
Chinese man who offered to give him a ride once they arrived. Dan very happily
accepted.
“Where does your
friend live?”
“Well, I don’t know.”
“Oh, well what’s his
address?”
“I don’t actually have
it.”
“Alright, well do you
have his phone number?”
“Umm… no.”
Blank stares. Incredulous laughter.
At this point, Dan felt his first bit of direction since he
had chosen obedience towards God. Ask about the main university.
“ Sir, do you think
you could take me to the main university?”
“Of course!”
So, a few hours later, Dan found himself standing on the
campus of a massive university in China in the middle of the night with no
contact, no place to sleep, and no idea if this Australian man was even a
student here.
Walk into the lobby. He walked. Stand here for twenty minutes.
He stood. Walk down this hallway. He went. Knock on the last door in the
hallway. He knocked and as the door opened, found himself facing a
German professor. Dan immediately struck up a conversation. He told him the
situation-- that he had no idea what the man’s address or contact information
was, and the bemused German man informed him that he would never find his
friend with so little information to go off of. Before the conversation ended the
German professor asked Dan the name of his Australian contact in the city. As
Dan said the name, the German professor’s face paled and eyes widened.
“I know the man you
are looking for. Can I take you to him?”
“YES!”
Within the hour, Dan stood at the front door of his
contact’s apartment in the middle of the night in a strange city, and knocked,
praying that someone would be home.
The door opened and Dan looked the Australian man in the
eyes, knowing that this man had no idea who Dan was, or why Dan was there. “Sir, I have been looking for you.”
Dan introduced himself, was invited inside, and told the man
his stories.
The Australian man’s eyes filled with tears as he told Dan
that a week previously he had been lying flat on the floor pleading with God to
send people to pray for this specific group of people in China. For the next
three weeks the two men prayed and Dan was even able to visit this people
group. Great things are in store for the people that God told Dan to pray for.
Many other stories were connected to this trip, but what struck me the most was
the reasons God put such specific instructions into Dan’s heart and mind.
The Lord’s direction was good and true, and He did it simply
out of love. Out of love for Dan, who was willing to be obedient. Out of love
for the Australian man, who wanted an outpouring of God’s grace on others. And
out of love for this people—a people that He sent His son to die for, and who
were living in separation from Him.
Now, back to me describing listening to these stories as
“annoying.”
If I am entirely honest, I was slightly offended by this
(and other) stories that I heard from Dan this week. After all, I love God. I
want to experience God’s love and direction and grace. I’m willing to be
obedient. So, what’s the deal? Why do I receive so little when I see Dan receive
so much?
Why does he get to experience God chasing after him as a
pursuer, when (if I’m honest) I sometimes feel like God could take me or leave
me and not care much either way?
I think there is a lot that needs to be unpacked in all of
this, but hey, it’s only week one of my DTS.
As I struggled through Dan’s stories and waded through my
own frustration and impatience, I
started to think of enjoyment. I was hearing wonderful things about how God is
moving in big ways all over the world. Shouldn’t that make me happy? Shouldn’t
there be joy on some level? It was then that I began to wonder whether my
mindset had began to warp to make this all about me.
How much do I experience.
How much do I understand.
How much do I know.
It’s an easy thing to do, because after all, this is my
life.
But I realized there’s a better way that yields better
fruit. The questions I should be asking aren’t centered around myself.
How is God revealed in this?
How are people being served?
How can this help me enjoy God?
And with that, I felt I had a tool to handle my frustration.
It’s so easy to throw a fit when God is revealing things that we don’t quite
understand, and we have the freedom to do that if we want. But to what purpose?
All it grows is frustration and annoyance.
I decided it was better to ask God (as His friend) to help
me hear the things that would allow me to enjoy Him more as I listen to my brother in
Christ shared stories about his adventures with our heavenly Father.
I won’t say that there hasn’t been frustration since then, because
the hunger to experience what I see in the lives of others is still (and I hope
will always remain) inside of me.
But focusing on who God is and what He can do? That, my
friends, changes everything.
