Understanding vs. Enjoying

This is a little late in coming, but I wanted to share my thoughts from last week on enjoying God versus understanding God.

Classes last week were… difficult. Frustrating. Paradigm shifting. Offensive even.

I think that’s because I have been intent on understanding the mind of God for the sake of an experience. Please don’t misunderstand me, I don’t for one second believe that my desire to understand is a bad thing—I think that my desire to know the “why’s” and “how’s” are nothing less than a gift from Him. I like to imagine He enjoys my curiosity and wonder because behind it all is a hunger to know Him.

But I think it might stop being a good and useful thing when all you can do is ask questions instead of enjoying the things that you do see and understand.

It stops being a tool to knowing and loving God more, and instead becomes a blockade.

This week, we were lucky enough to hear firsthand from a man named Dan Bauman stories of the adventures he has had while pursuing his greatest passions—loving God and loving people. I haven’t had the privilege of listening to many people speak who are as passionate about simply loving and being loved by God as Dan is.

It was good.

It was also annoying.

This is a man who has audibly heard the voice of God. A man who has experienced dreams and visions. A man who has been imprisoned and tortured for his faith.

One of his more mind-bending stories occurred during a two month period where (due to political unrest) he was forced to leave his job and country of residence. He ended up in Thailand at a prayer meeting with some friends, and as he prayed and asked God what they (meaning he and God) should do until he could go back to his country, he received the name of a specific people group and the command to  go to them and pray for them for three weeks.

He had no idea who this people group was, so he started asking every person he came into contact with whether they had heard of it. He finally spoke to a man who not only recognized this people group (who lives in Northern China), but who actually had an Australian friend who lived near this ethnicities territory. Unfortunately there was a problem. This man had no idea what his friend’s address, phone number, or email was. He only knew the name of his city of residence (a city of 7-8 million people) and some vague impression that his Australian friend was studying a language there. He eventually confessed that it was possible that his friend wasn’t even in China at the time.

Dan was slightly discouraged by this, and though he continued praying, he received no other direction from God. But as the message he had received was clear, he felt he had two options. One—he could go to China with no more information than one name in a city of millions out of obedience to God. Two—he could stay in Thailand with his friends at a prayer conference.

He chose option one.

A short time later he found himself on a Chinese train that would deliver him (92 hours later) in the city he hoped that his contact was in. He walked up and down the train and eventually found an English speaking Chinese man who offered to give him a ride once they arrived. Dan very happily accepted.

“Where does your friend live?”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“Oh, well what’s his address?”

“I don’t actually have it.”

“Alright, well do you have his phone number?”

“Umm… no.”

Blank stares. Incredulous laughter.

At this point, Dan felt his first bit of direction since he had chosen obedience towards God. Ask about the main university.

“ Sir, do you think you could take me to the main university?”

“Of course!”

So, a few hours later, Dan found himself standing on the campus of a massive university in China in the middle of the night with no contact, no place to sleep, and no idea if this Australian man was even a student here.

Walk into the lobby. He walked. Stand here for twenty minutes. He stood. Walk down this hallway. He went. Knock on the last door in the hallway. He knocked and as the door opened, found himself facing a German professor. Dan immediately struck up a conversation. He told him the situation-- that he had no idea what the man’s address or contact information was, and the bemused German man informed him that he would never find his friend with so little information to go off of. Before the conversation ended the German professor asked Dan the name of his Australian contact in the city. As Dan said the name, the German professor’s face paled and eyes widened.

“I know the man you are looking for. Can I take you to him?”

“YES!”

Within the hour, Dan stood at the front door of his contact’s apartment in the middle of the night in a strange city, and knocked, praying that someone would be home.

The door opened and Dan looked the Australian man in the eyes, knowing that this man had no idea who Dan was, or why Dan was there. “Sir, I have been looking for you.”

Dan introduced himself, was invited inside, and told the man his stories.

The Australian man’s eyes filled with tears as he told Dan that a week previously he had been lying flat on the floor pleading with God to send people to pray for this specific group of people in China. For the next three weeks the two men prayed and Dan was even able to visit this people group. Great things are in store for the people that God told Dan to pray for. Many other stories were connected to this trip, but what struck me the most was the reasons God put such specific instructions into Dan’s heart and mind.

The Lord’s direction was good and true, and He did it simply out of love. Out of love for Dan, who was willing to be obedient. Out of love for the Australian man, who wanted an outpouring of God’s grace on others. And out of love for this people—a people that He sent His son to die for, and who were living in separation from Him.

Now, back to me describing listening to these stories as “annoying.”

If I am entirely honest, I was slightly offended by this (and other) stories that I heard from Dan this week. After all, I love God. I want to experience God’s love and direction and grace. I’m willing to be obedient. So, what’s the deal? Why do I receive so little when I see Dan receive so much?

Why does he get to experience God chasing after him as a pursuer, when (if I’m honest) I sometimes feel like God could take me or leave me and not care much either way?

I think there is a lot that needs to be unpacked in all of this, but hey, it’s only week one of my DTS.

As I struggled through Dan’s stories and waded through my own frustration and impatience,  I started to think of enjoyment. I was hearing wonderful things about how God is moving in big ways all over the world. Shouldn’t that make me happy? Shouldn’t there be joy on some level? It was then that I began to wonder whether my mindset had began to warp to make this all about me.

How much do I experience.

How much do I understand.

How much do I know.

It’s an easy thing to do, because after all, this is my life.

But I realized there’s a better way that yields better fruit. The questions I should be asking aren’t centered around myself.

How is God revealed in this?

How are people being served?

How can this help me enjoy God?

And with that, I felt I had a tool to handle my frustration. It’s so easy to throw a fit when God is revealing things that we don’t quite understand, and we have the freedom to do that if we want. But to what purpose? All it grows is frustration and annoyance.

I decided it was better to ask God (as His friend) to help me hear the things that would allow me to enjoy Him more as  I listen to my brother in Christ shared stories about his adventures with our heavenly Father.

I won’t say that there hasn’t been frustration since then, because the hunger to experience what I see in the lives of others is still (and I hope will always remain) inside of me.

But focusing on who God is and what He can do? That, my friends, changes everything.